I’m a pretty big “yes” person, as in if you ask me to do something, I will probably say yes, emphatically and with a smile on my face. The minute I do this, I start to regret every single second leading up to the moment where I have to do the thing you have asked me to do. When this moment arrives, it’s fine. But not a single second before.

Here are the things I regret agreeing to, ranked from least amount of regret that I suffer for saying yes to most amount of regret that I suffer for saying yes. To reiterate: once I do this thing, or the event has begun, it is fine and I am deeply at ease. But not a second before. Not a single second before.

13. The fucking dentist

12. Gynecologist appointment

11. Breakfast (“brunch”) plans before 11 a.m. on a Saturday/Sunday

10. Your reading (book/poetry/blog post/etc.)

9. Going to happy hour with your coworkers and not mine

8. Parties of any kind

7. Going to see your band play in Greenpoint

6. Running outside

5. Picking up a shift that is not typically mine at any sort of part-time job

4. Therapy

3. Helping you move

2. Being the wingman on your date

1. Dates

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